Question#2

lA difficult decision: Have you ever had to choose between yourself and a loved one? Who did you choose and why? (This question is intentionally open-ended; lots of situations might apply.)


As one may assume that decisions between school and family are easy, at least for some; they are the most difficult decisions for me. Two years ago as an eighth grader, my life melted in to a puddle of nothingness because of family problems. My life crumbled as my sister fell away from our church and ran away from home on her eighteenth birthday. Her decisions were a turning point in my life, as she even made me help her move her stuff out as my mom was at work on that very day she was running away. Toiling with my actions to help her, I contemplated whether or not I should follow in her steps by running away and ending at a community college, or by following my parents rules and getting into a four year university.



Sophomore year in the first semester, was different than the first two I overcame at school. In order to become popular you have to do something your peers agreed with but sometimes you may not. This is what happened to my sister. It seemed like she had a great life, a boyfriend, and loving family, but it seemed that she could not handle it any longer. Almost doing everything opposite of what she was taught as morals, she began the winding road of escaping adolescence. I had to choose my sister over my mom in deciding to help my sister leave, and I am still pained with that today.

Now that I am older I realize the consequences for helping my sister, which are: can't date until I was 16, cant get my license until I was out of the house, and no hanging out with friends after school. Everyday my mom would call the house at exactly 3:30, and if I did not answer the phone I was grounded from everything. My sisters got it the worst they even got their doors to their rooms taken away. I sometimes think to myself, speaking out loud under my breath,"why did I do that." these instances in my life changed me immensely.

Continuing on with my life has had its up's and down's, but mostly up's. Now as a role model for my younger sister I feel incompetent for being her role model. "I am not her older sister" I would say to my mom, and all she would say would be "Set a good example." That's it, no sugar coating or anything. It is a powerful phrase if you think about it. I am now being more chivalrous and having less drama to attempt at being the older sibling she needs to have as a role model, even though I am a guy. As time ticks away, I think back about the occasion between my mom and my sisters, and I can always see the pain my sisters brought to her. I do not want to be another problem child, but it is hard to be perfect for them, and they know it, but if I keep my head held high and keep moving forward I will be the child they always wanted.



Some people would call my decision stupid, but I can not turn the clock back in time and change the idiotic mistakes. Realizing what I did was wrong, was just the first of many steps in the process of my parents forgiving me. I had to express the sorrow I had for the choices I made and other many steps that made me feel bad about what I had done. I have had a hard life; my oldest sister tears up the foundation to our families morals and standards, then the second oldest gets into secret relationships with people far too old for her. Sometimes I doubt if my oldest sister will ever get back on track and overcome her many problems in her life.

Even after the dilemma with my oldest sister my second oldest sister is having trouble of not following her path of partying without consequence and putting off growing up. Now that I have no real role models for how to live my life, I had to change my ways of being a follower and change into becoming a leader. I do what I do now in memory of what could have happened, and what can still happen to my older sisters. I hope that I will be able to defeat the peer pressure and conquer any obstacles that ever get in my way.